A Life With No Focus
by MelancholyInsanity2397
Summary: My mind travels to the night before, which like normal I can hardly remember. I hadn't gone anywhere, but just sat in the sad excuse for a home and drank myself away again. I sigh, is this all my life will be? I shake my head, everyone seems so much better off now-a-days.


The light shifted into my room through the dingy curtains and half opened shades. The dust glittered in the light, making me realize just how horrible this place really looked. My bedroom, painted a grey, void of knick-knacks or personalize items looked like I had just moved in. In reality I had moved in over three years ago. I sit up on my mattress that lies on the floor. Who would of thought, the great Lightning Farron would become this low. I pick up the bottle next to my 'bed'. The clock reads 10:43am. I kick off the crumbled sheets, only clad in some boxers and a thin tank-top; I realize how cold my apartment is. Then I remember, I have no heat. Or hot water. I groan realizing this again. I take another swing from the bottle. My head is pounding, like it does every day from my never-ending alcoholic state. I scoff at this thought. As I get up off the ground, bottle in hand, I make my way towards the bathroom. I step over the various items on the floor-the broken glass, trash, and junk. My mind travels to the night before, which like normal I can hardly remember. I hadn't gone anywhere, but just sat in the sad excuse for a home and drank myself away again. I sigh, is this all my life will be? I shake my head, everyone seems so much better off now-a-days. Serah married to that moronic Snow, Sazh the head pilot of the Academy, and Hope…Hope has moved away, leaving me in New Bodhum to act as Director for the Academy. It's been over a year since I'd seen him last. I shake my head not wanting to think about him, or much of anything right now. I grab some clothes and turn the shower on. The cold pierces through my sense and makes the dull ache in my head stand out even more. It chills my skin to the point of goose bumps and I quickly get in and out.

This is what saving the world feels like. It feels like my life has been lived, and there's nothing else to do for the rest of it. My stomach aches and I look down at myself. My ribs now more prominent, my hip bones protruding out of the pale skin. I look around the kitchenette. Empty…empty…empty…dead…rotten…empty. I open the fridge, another bottle of rum lies in the back, in the front is some unused butter and a pack of crackers. I wonder briefly why I put the crackers in the fridge, before taking them out and eating one. They are stale, hard and cold. Yum… Thankfully I had been able to pay for electric this month and I look at my answering machine. 3 new messages. I play the first.

"Lightning! Why haven't you called lately? Hope you're doing okay; give me a call when you get this. Love you sis." Serah's voice ends. The next message clicks on.

"Hey Light, it's Hope." My heart stops briefly at the sound of his voice. Having been the first to wake up from stasis he now ages 22, while the three years of my wake up makes me 24.

"If you get this, call me back. I have a business trip I need to take and I thought, what better place to stay than at yours?" I can hear the smirk over the message. Well aware of how horrible of a host I am, he makes it a mission to always stay at my place.

"I should be coming around by noon on the 10th. Give me a call." My eyes go wide… how can I have not gotten this message till today…the tenth? My stomach knots at the thought of him being here in just a few hours. From not seeing him in the past year or so he is still unaware of my drinking and bad habits. I look at the apartment, cigarettes, booze, and trash are laying everywhere. I hurriedly start trying to pick things up. First the trash. It's been awhile since I could see the floors, and they look quite nasty as well.

"Come on, I know I used to own a vacuum!" I say to myself while tearing through the closet. By the time 12 rolls around, I had picked up the floors, vacuumed, made the guest room a more livable space, and done the dishes. I had also put the majority of my rum and cigarettes into my room and shut the door. I hear the buzzer ring to let me know someone wants in. I push the button and try to make myself a bit more presentable. I snuck a glance in the mirror to see the dark circles under my eyes and the sallowness of my cheeks. Something I can't hide at this point. I open the door at his knock. He smiles brilliantly at me before pulling me into a tight hug. I cringe at the way it hurts. He pulls back and looks me over. His smile falters a bit before he hides his emotions, something he undoubtly learned from me.

Hope's POV

I look at her. She looks…beautiful. Worse than I remember though. Her arms tentatively wrap around me and she acts as if she's in pain. I pull away and smile at her, her lips twitch upwards just a bit before she clears her throat and gestures me in. The place is darker than I remember as well. It looks as if no one has actually lived here. I feel a twinge of guilt at thinking about leaving her alone while I go and do my career. But she has her sister, and her work. Then I notice…she's not in uniform. I quirk a brow at her before asking.

"Where's your uniform Light?"

Lightning's POV

My uniform… I screw my eyes shut. I start to try to come up with excuses…it's at the drycleaners, I spilled something on it, I'm not on duty today…but he would see right through it. I opt out for partial truth.

"Actually, I'm not in the Corps anymore Hope." I say a bit hesitantly. His eyes go wide as if this is impossible. I shift my eyes to the ground not wanting to think or talk about it. He clears his throat a bit awkwardly before asking,

"When did that happen?" I look up to him and reel back into my mind. It's been a little over 10months. I carried on for a bit after he left, but then I just…

"It's been about 10months or so." I say causally. He looks at me again more questions threatening to spill over, he asks some more.

"What have you been doing then?" I sigh, exasperated.

"I haven't really been doing anything Hope. Job market is a little slow here in New Bodhum." I say more harshly than what I intended. I see the hurt register onto his face. He looks down and mumbles what sounds like an apology. I just grab his shoulder and make him look at me.

"Sorry, that was a little mean." His face lights up a bit and I know we are back to good terms again.

"So, not much has changed since last time you were here." I say casually trying to make the atmosphere a little lighter. He looks around and I show him to the guest bedroom. This part of the house is always kept in immaculate shape for situations like this. I normally just leave the door closed and only go in to clean it a bit, though not much cleaning happens in general. He follows me and smiles. He starts to put his stuff into order and I decide not to hover. It seems like so long ago when he was my permanent roommate. He lived with me the first two years I woke up from stasis. It made life I little easier, a little more sense. He helped me through the changes of the world, and got me back on track.

Hope comes back out some time later.

"So what's for dinner? I'm starved." My heart stops a bit. I hadn't thought of getting food in the rush to get my apartment back to reasonable. Food, I don't have much of that. He starts walking towards the fridge and I freak out a little bit inside. He opens the door and takes a step back looking into the fridge.

"Light, where's all your food?" I look to the ground a scowl now across my face. I shake my head and slam the door shut. I grab my coat and throw his at him.

"Come 'on let's go get something to eat." I don't want to talk about this. About my 'new' ways of life. He sighs a bit and trudges after me.

Once at the restaurant I look for the cheapest thing on the menu. A side salad. I sigh, aggravated. My stomach has completely eaten it's self away and a nice steak sounds divine. I look at the price. Its about 12 gil over my budget of 2. The waitress comes over to the table with our water. She asks for our choices and before I can tell her Hope speaks up.

"I'll have the steamed Lobster, and she'll have the 12oz steak with a side salad." I snap my head to him and glare daggers. Once the waitress leaves he just shrugs his shoulders at me and smirks. This makes my glare darken even more.

"You know you hardly scare me Light. Sides you look like you need a good meal." His face softens a bit and I look down feeling blood rise to my cheeks. The embarrassment turns to rage in a split second.

"I can manage just fine by myself thank you." I say harshly. His face darkens and I see anger light up in his eyes.

"To hell you can. I can smell the alcohol on you from here. Not to mention that your no more than stick and bones." He also learned this from me. The anger, the way there is no sensor once that rage starts to boil. You say the first things that come to your mind, the true ones. Cold pierces through me and I think I might be sick. The vomit starts to move up my throat and I run to the bathroom. As I hurl up the crackers I had eaten from early today I can't help but think I'm not actually sick. Just drunk. I sigh. There is a knock at the door and I ignore it. What have I become?


End file.
